Reader, have you ever heard a story about a turkey? May I correct myself, a grumpy turkey? If you have or haven’t, you are about to here one now:
Have you ever been born and raised (for 45 years) on a farm? Have you ever seen your loved ones eaten for 45 years? Tell me! Tell me right this bedazzled instant! Well I have! I am Tottle the turkey. I have seen Persephone (the butcher’s daughter) grow up into a beautiful young lady! I have seen my family snatched into the hands of the dirty, mosquito bitten butcher (and of course stuffed in my natural enemy the oven).
I have overheard the butcher and his wife talking about me. It’s my turn to be eaten! It is my oil-slapped turn. Why? Why now you’re wondering, why not 10 years ago? They said I will be juicy and tasty after all these years of waiting. Perfidy, perfidy, perfidy! I’ll be juicy after I shove the butcher 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 meters down the Pacific Ocean until you hit the jaw of one of those light-headed Nemo characters. I’ll be known as Tottle the feather builder.
Humans are not trustworthy! I learned that when I was a young bird. I was under an orange tree when it happened. I was talking to my 13th cousin Melissia. Apparently that is a name of a street in Athens, Greece ( she was born there). My Aunt Penny and Uncle Kynigou were a bit crazy and over the top when they named her.
Any way, we were talking about the Brazilian rainforest even though we had never been there. We thought that there were different types of monkeys. One was the Marilynaeos (Marilin-a-e-os) which were green monkeys that had tails so small you could barely see them! I thought of the Raneemo (Raneem-o) monkeys. They were blue monkeys with pink stripes .We were talking about all different types of monkeys ,crocodiles, frogs ,snakes and waba-lonkies (which later I found out were unicorns).Those cruel dry hands snatched Melissia up and I never saw her again!
Though this time I am going to hide from that nasty creature! Oh here he comes! See Yah! I am running and running oof! He’s catching up on me! A meter away, half a meter. He has my feet!
“Stop it you backstabbing, pickle-eating maniac,” I gobble. I thrust out of his reach. I gobble for help but that is useless, I am the only turkey on the block I think to myself. Behind me the butcher is trying to catch me. I abruptly stop. I could feel the air beating down on me. Reader I have to say farewell. Ow! Ow! What’s that light?
I did not know the entrance to heaven was green. Wait reader I am still alive! How wonderful! I am levitating! Oh my turkey Lord! Reader I am in a spaceship.
Indeed reader he was in a spaceship. Inside the vast spaceship supernatural creatures were waddling around hurrying in their own different directions. At first Tottle thought the supernatural creatures were blobs of Cabbage soup until he saw their faces. They were of course green. Their eyes were long and oval shaped liked Scream’s. They all had 3 fingers and wore blue overall uniforms. They also had nametags. Every letter on their names had different types of letters from Greece, Egypt (hieroglyphics), Chinese and other letters and accents he couldn’t identify.
Back on Earth, Reader, the butcher is going bananas!
“I should’ve got that beast! He would’ve been a great dinner after all these years of making it strong! Now I have to get turkey from the supermarket,”( they were never fond of the turkey at the supermarket so they would kill their own) the butcher mumbled. He went to his car and drove off. As he approached the supermarket a swell of disgust expanded in his gut.
Reader! I can’t believe it! I am in outer space. The spaceship is a lot like Luke Skywalker’s and the Death Star combined (obviously it was pretty cool)! My maids are aliens and now I am tacking a massaaaaaaaaaage sorry I am just enjoying the massage. Oh I wish you were here reader! We are passing Jupiter. Look at its big fat red dot. I wonder what that stuck-up butcher is doing right now?
The butcher was disgusted going to the super market. They had always had their own turkey killed and eaten. The butcher was indeed a cruel man who enjoyed seeing flesh and blood. Enough with the gory talk. As he was in the supermarket he would pick some things or two mostly for the dinner they were having. He also got some marshmallows for himself, I wonder if has ever looked in the mirror, I do not think he’ll find any six-packs. This year they would have to have supermarket turkey. Ewww! Gross!
I am so happy here in the spaceship! Those green aliens think I am their king. Now we are going to earth but off course not where the butcher lives but to the Brazilian rainforest. I have a feeling this will be a great Thanksgiving for me. Hopefully the butcher has a rotten Thanksgiving.
Reader this was the story of the miraculous, crazy, grumpy, weird turkey!
Tottle the Turkey the Continuation
Reader I have seen that you are disappointed with the end of Tottle the turkey’s story. Well here is the continuation:
“Flip floppin’ belly blobbin’ monkeys give me back my hat” Tottle yelled. When Tottle left the spaceship he was wearing a hat that the monkeys had stolen. Is this how monkeys actually are? Mean and selfish, he shook the thought out of his head and focused on getting his hat back. He thought that the game should be called turkey in the middle. He looked at one of his aliens and said,” Help me! Give me my hat back!” Then he saw them descending high up in the branches. They decided to explore the area and started walking. After a 2 minute walk Tottle was walking and suddenly he tripped on a rock and went flying into something gooey. He suddenly felt his body being dragged. He was in quicksand. His alien maids got a branch and with great difficulty they got the plump turkey out.
The butcher folded his hands. He looked at the turkey in disgust. Persephone, on the other hand was licking her lips. The butcher’s wife, let’s call her Mrs. Butcher was silent. Persephone looked at the turkey wide-eyed. The butcher started scraping the end of the fork on the plate which caused a scratchy-scratchy noise that made Persephone have goose bumps. Mrs. Butcher gave him a look like she will soon slap him in the face with a brick. He stopped abruptly because honestly no one wants to be slapped by a brick.
Persephone couldn’t take it anymore she lunged at the turkey. She was inches away when the butcher snatched the turkey up with the platter and threw the turkey on the floor. Then he said “From now on we are vegetarians!” Persephone was so upset she through the mashed potatoes in her father’s face. His face even under the mashed potatoes it was visible that it was turning red and without being wise he through the salad in her daughter’s face. Mrs. Butcher was realizing what this was. It was a FOOD FIGHT! She decided to join in. Secretively she got the rice and through handfuls of rice in her husband’s and daughter’s face.
Finally the butcher found his senses and he pointed to a corner looking at Persephone. How could a corner be so scary you might ask reading this? I mean it isn’t going to kill you or turn into a monster! “Not the corner! I can’t stand the corner,” She whispered under her breath. She looked at her father with a puppy dog face she would’ve been cute if she did not have mashed potatoes and rice on her face. He pointed again at the corner and this time she went to the corner.
Sorry I forgot to tell you why the corner is so scary in Persephone’s mind. It was a Time Out for her and as you might have guessed she had a lot of Time Outs. She also doesn’t like small closed places and on her scared of list corner was one of them.
Tottle and his aliens decided to continue their walk but more cautiously. He was looking for any Marilinaeos monkeys or maybe Raneemo monkeys. Sooner or later he gave up. They walked some more until they came upon a beautiful waterfall. On one of the boulders high up next to the waterfall was a home. Tottle saw a beautiful turkey on the porch Spraying bug repellent on bugs surrounding her. Tottle managed a smile. He waved his hands while yelling “Yoo-Hoo!” She looked at him first with disgust and then with kindness. She did a motion with her wings as saying “Come in!” Tottle was about to yell how but then a bamboo ladder dropped down from the balcony. That Reader is how Tottle found his love and his home.
Reader that was Tottle’s story. As for the butcher’s family they became vegetarians. Turkey and other meats were banned from their house. This story had a lovely ever after and a non-meatly ever after. What is your ever after?
P.S. If you were in a food fight with your parents what would you throw? I would throw cake! YUM!