The Caterpillar Rollercoaster of Doom by Anna B

“Aaahh!!!” I could hear the terrified screams of the riders on the caterpillar rollercoaster. We were waiting in line, and were about in the middle, waiting for our turn on the slithering, mechanical figure. Metal creaked, people squeaked, but I was tapping my foot impatiently onto the muddy ground.
My family and I decided to go onto an exciting trip: Alou-Fun Park located in the South of Athens. ! Though it was a relatively long journey, I was hopping up and down in happiness. Once we reached the Luna Park, I jumped out into the evening air, let the cool breeze brush my hair away, and cheered, “We came! We came!!!” over and over again. I was still singing and screaming while we walked on the sidewalk, the last of the cars rushing before us into the night.
So here I was, on my first activity, getting ready for a fantastic ride. I could now see people getting out of the metallic little door, turning barf green, like the outline of the seats. I got a little grossed out, and was ready to change my mind, but I couldn’t. It was our turn! L I stumbled up the aluminum stairs, the staircase making a loud “BANG!!!” each time I stepped on them. I was holding my brother’s hand tightly and I was sweating. My hand was slipping from his grip every time I caught his hand. We clambered onto our seats. We had to be separated though, because the spherical chairs that divided the giant robot were one seated. Our parents preferred to stay outside and watch us. They were pale even at the sight of the ride!
I heard a “POOF!!!” and the ‘fun’ train had started. I clung onto the bar in front of me. Unfortunately, I stopped imagining, and came back to the real world; but I wasn’t exaggerating in my imagination. We were soaring through the night, tearing the darkness before us; and, of course, I gave out a loud, earsplitting scream. I clung onto the shiny bar for a wild turn, still yelling. My throat was dry by now, and I hugged the bar again for another move, whimpering.
I was relieved to see that rollercoaster ride was over. I waved my arms furiously, trying to tell the bars to let go of me. Finally, they loosened, and I jumped out of my seat, looking around at the crowd for my brother. I thought I would never see him again, when suddenly a sweaty head popped out of the people. I ran to him and tightly hugged him. We zoomed to our parents’ table at the Café, and after drinking a million glasses of water, we found ourselves bursting out the whole story. “This… was AMAZING!!!” I finished. “Now let’s go to Crazy Mouse!!!”
My family sighed.

2 thoughts on “The Caterpillar Rollercoaster of Doom by Anna B

  1. Dear Anna,
    You did a great job on your writing. I really liked it because you explained your feelings a lot. I used to feel that way about roller coasters too! Continue your great writing!

  2. Dear Anna K,
    I really liked your story because you added lots of detail. I specifically liked when you said ‘metal creaked,people squeaked…’ The detail really helped the story grow and sound better. My favourite part of the story was your awesome kicker ending. Sigh.
    -Ann-Marie 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s